Forever Young...until someone newer shows up

Saturday night we had a party for some of Mr. Half's friends from high school. Originally, this was supposed to be the weekend of his reunion, but the planning started to drag and another classmate started making new plans for August...which is absolutely fine. However, there was the matter of a few friends who had already booked flights for June 22nd and 23rd and, as it happens, couldn't make the reunion at the end of this summer. So...we had a party that started at about four in the afternoon and ended after the last guest left at about a quarter to one in the morning.

It's always interesting for me to see my husband's friends and former high school classmates gather and talk about the old days. Everyone brings pictures of their kids and talks about work, but the common denominator of the old days is still strong after all these years. It's easy, if you don't look too hard at everyone, to assume they haven't changed a bit, though many of them look the same or better. Yes, it is possible.

Our youngest son was home after a week of camp and was happy to sit in his room playing computer and eating pizza. Before the party started the oldest two left with the middle son's girlfriend to attend a wedding one county over and came home to a kitchen full of people laughing and talking. I've only seen my older sons about four times in the last month while they were working at camp, so watching them come through the door so tall and tanned in their shirts and ties was still so strange. They left as little boys and come back as men.

What was interesting was when I realized that we were gathered for the purpose of celebrating high school friendships and losing track of just how many years it had been since that time and when my kids came through the door we realized we were looking at ourselves...sort of. The memories being shared and the times that were so important to us represent what is going on at this very moment in the lives of my older sons. It is our past....but their RIGHT NOW. A few beers or glasses of wine and we're thinking that we're 18 with so much of our lives still ahead. But seeing them there talking so easily with everyone, reality hits us and we realize that we're not the future anymore. They are. They are us...and we are (gulp) our parents...God help me.

Does that make sense at all?

Comments

[Sueb0b]

Absolutely. I realized it about 10 years ago when I was out on the lawn relaxing in lawn chairs with friends and their 11-year-old twins. The twins were doing cartwheels and all of a sudden I flashed on "OMG my parents used to sit around being all boring in lawn chairs while I played gymnastics with my friends..." Weird.

[V-Grrrl]

I still have lots of moments when I'm inhabiting my 19-year-old self. Like when I was riding the train this weekend lusting after some of those fresh-out-of-college but perfectly scruffy young guys who are doing the "travel Europe by train thing." No sooner was one part of my brain going "Yum,yum" then I was bitch-slapped by my middle-aged self who said, "HELLO! You're old enough to be THEIR MOTHER." Sheesh. Then I felt like a pedophile and was so ashamed for even thinking about how cute they were for a second.

[Antique Mommy]

Makes sense and scares me all at the sametime. I don't like life flying by so quickly.

[Marian]

Hi. I don't think I've commented here before.

V-Grrrl, isn't it interesting that we women tend to so quickly realize how ridiculous and inappropriate it is to think of a young man, young enough to be our son, in a sexual way? There are so many romantic relationships out there between people of greatly different ages, and the vast majority seem to be older men and younger women. It would appear that men don't see things quite the same way...

[Ortizzle]

I have those thoughts all the time. I look at my nieces, my friends' kids, my godchildren, all between the ages of 18 and 27, and I think, "Crap. We're the Old Farts now."

I was talking to one of my friends from Spain (who happens to be Argentinian) yesterday, and she said the last time she went home for a visit, her nieces and nephews kept asking her if she needed help with things, telling her to sit down and not worry about doing anything, etc. etc. It was then that she decided to rent a little place for part of her visit and have her extended family come visit *her* so she could show them she was not old and feeble YET! :-)

[Loving Annie]

It makes total sense, Wordgirl. A lot of times life goes by and you still feel young inside, you look in the mirror and don't really see the changes (much), but then when you are around kids... it sinks in... Life goes by so fast... We HAVE become our parents, hopefully more the good parts than the bad....

Happy Monday to you !

[Jay]

"...and we are (gulp) our parents...God help me."

I'm going to pretend I didn't read that! ;-)

There is only one person from high school that I talk even semi-regularly to.

[bubandpie]

I realized it almost right away. I don't plan on having any more children, and most of my friends are done too. It made me realize that the next round of shower-throwing celebrations won't be about US it will be about THEM - their graduations, their weddings (eventually) and babies. In all the big milestones from now on, I'll be a spectator, not the one at centre stage.

[Nils]

This is one area of life where being an arrested adolescent doesn't hurt me at all. We had a similar gathering, where the people my age were in the kitchen discussing fibre supplements and retirement options. All that were missing were the lawn chairs, bermuda shorts, black socks with sandals, and somebody complaining about the guvmint. I love my friends, but at some point I had to find someone to talk to who didn't make me feel like I was one step away from being fed porridge by a grandchild.

[kim]

The trick is being OK with that.

[V-Grrrl]

Marian,

Great point!

[J]

I recently attended a 40th birthday party for a friend, and there we all were, dancing, having a great time, feeling sexy in our cute outfits, etc. Then I realized that when my mother was 40, I was 17, and she seemed SO OLD. Amazing.

[Jenny]

Too much sense. Everything you just said? Yes.

[CircusKelli]

Just before my birthday last year, I was rooting around in some old boxes and unearthed my old diary. The very first entry started "Today is my Mother's 38th birthday..." Wouldn't you know, I was turning 38 in a couple of weeks. It was a bit scary.

But hey, did I mention that a young door-to-door salesman asked if MY Mom or Dad was home last week? No? I didn't? Funny, I thought I'd told EVERYONE about that...

[Annie]

I started sounding like my parents years ago when I started teaching. I guess it was time for the rest of me to catch up...

[Oh, The Joys]

It does make sense.

It also seems like a reminder to take the teens seriously - even though they seem so silly sometimes.

[OddMix]

When I first yelled "No Running!" down the stairs at my parents house, I realized (with some pleasure, actually) that I had become my dad.

[Nance]

Remember, you're never middle-aged if you plan to live forever.

In some very odd way, I find that comforting.

[Gina]

Oh, it makes sense alright.

I'm not quite at the point where you are though, give me a couple of years. I am glad, though, that there are boys like yours for our future!

[Tink]

Some time after I turned 21, time sped up. I'm turning 25 and I can't even remember where the last few years went. I was a fool to wish my life away when I was a kid. All that "I wish I was older" crap has to catch up to you eventually. Now I can't get the damn thing to slow down!

[ewe_are_here]

Totally makes sense. Totally. And I think it's only going to make more and more sense, if that's possible, as time marches on.

[Chaos Control]

Yep, it absolutely makes sense.

And what scares the hell out of me is that when my son hits high school age, he will be me, but I will be my grandparents!!

Guess that's what I get for waiting so long to tackle this parenting thing ...