Everyone has an opinion and I believe the hallmark of a truly civilized person is knowing when...and when NOT...to share whatever subjective thought that is rolling around in his/her brain. If you want to the person you're with to know that you simply adore the shoes she is wearing, by all means please share. Praise for good taste, the results of which now caress the feet of another, are always welcome. If, on the other hand, you find the style so offensive that you'd rather poke your own eyes out with a dull spoon then you should probably keep this little tidbit to yourself. The fact that you're not feeling the love for someone else's footwear is really no one's problem...but yours. The same goes for their parenting styles, their taste in reading material/houses/cars, their politics AND... religion. This is where it gets sticky.
Most of us struggle to keep that civil tongue in our heads...even while unkind, evil and otherwise destructive thoughts are running naked and amok though the fluids of our shallow brain pans. We tell ourselves that we criticize because we care and we rationalize our inabilities to SHUT THE HELL UP by saying that it's only for the other person's own good. I'm as guilty of it as anyone.
This weekend, however, I learned that a woman I know went just a little too far. Actually, she's gone too far with me before and the only reason why she's still able to draw breath is because I feel she operates at somewhat of a disadvantage in comparison with most others I know. I'm no rocket scientist, but on a good day the woman of whom I speak has only about 6 braincells bumping up against each other. I try to take her inability to process certain facts and figures into consideration and just walk away grinding my teeth. It appears that this woman decided she had had the duty and the right to tell the young daughter of another friend that she was...going to Hell. Not only that...she said that the young girl, her sister and mother as well as everyone else in her entire church were also headed to the Casa de Flame. What prompted this intellectually-challenged person to display such audacity? Who bestowed upon her this gift of prophecy to determine the course of someone else's life? What caused her sudden "hiccup" in good manners? Is this what Jesus would have done? Somehow...I doubt it.
In the interest of full journalistic disclosure I should tell you that the young girl in question goes to the same church that I do. One of the reasons for the woman's sudden breakdown in decorum is that our church ordains women. We believe that if a woman hears the call to serve in the ministry, it is as valid a call as that of her male counterparts. We do not impress upon, request, demand, or browbeat our females parishoners into believing that they exist as the "joyful servants" of men. That, as well as the fact that we carry on an interfaith dialogue with various other houses of worship (mosques, temples, etc) in town and that we leave all judgment--should any be necessary-- (and as well as we are humanly able) to God.
This life without gender limits (as well as the notion that God loves everyone and hears the prayers of ALL who petition him/her) is something that the woman in question cannot fathom nor abide. And in a fit of intellectual incuriosity and downright meanness...she verbally attacked a 13 year old girl and condemned her to a place that only a divine entity can make a reality. A girl who is only just now becoming aware that she's every bit as good as the boys she knows. And if it is a sin to waste the abilities God gave her...then why is this insane woman insisting that she do so IN THE NAME OF GOD? One of this young girl's classmates just happens to be the son of the woman who attacked her. A boy who is raised (along with his two younger brothers) by a not-too-bright mother and a father who is dismissive and threatened by all women. A boy who is taught that women are put on earth to be ordered about and whose opinions and abilities are to be devalued and laughed at. A boy who calls his mother "stupid" in public...a phenomenon that comes as no surprise since she's literally teaching him that her gender places her in lesser role of leadership.
And this woman feels she has the right to question the practices of a different congregation because they don't lean in the same direction as her own church. I don't know whether to cry for this woman...or laugh at the irony that allows her to claim to "speak in love" and yet be so incredibly hateful. I have my own feelings about what we should or should not be teaching our kids about the way the world functions and my church reflects those feelings, but I don't foist them on people unless confronted and I certainly don't threaten kids with them. What I do know is that this woman should learn the difference between constructive truth and an opinion. Hers was only the latter and she should have kept it to herself.
The convictions that people hold in the name of religion can be very frightening indeed.
Perhaps this "abomination" of women heeding the call will force her to leave the church?
One can only hope.
Posted by: Gina | April 10, 2007 at 12:07 AM
how did her mother explain the episode to her? (the 13 year old's mother, not the . .you know what I mean!)
Posted by: dodo | April 10, 2007 at 04:45 AM
The woman who made the remarks does not go to our church. She just felt the need to let this kid know that our church was doing it wrong and hers (one assumes)gave her the right to deliver this information.
Posted by: wordgirl | April 10, 2007 at 06:41 AM
Our babysitter (who, sadly, we have to replace when Thing 2 arrives) is an evangelical Christian and has informed me (in the past) that she is sad I will not be with her in heaven. Our views are SO divergent, and yet I am drawn into friendship because of her calm acceptance of life's bitterness. I have another pentalcostal pal who wishes I'd find her God, too. We don't talk about politics or religion, but we have other things in common.
I know how ugly it is for someone to say "You are going to hell," simply because your beliefs are not inline with theirs, but in my heart I can't get too upset. I find these beliefs sad and untrue, but I know what people get out of having them is solace. For themselves, at least, if not compassion for others who believe different things. As a NON-RELIGIOUS person, I wish more people could balance both. afterall, silence is a virtue, is it not?
Posted by: toyfoto | April 10, 2007 at 09:00 AM
I tagged you for a little old blog award...come on over if you'd like to collect your 'prize'.
Posted by: Sandra | April 10, 2007 at 09:07 AM
I really wish I knew where people get off saying this to other adults, much less kids.
To be fair though, I'm a wee bit sensitive on this topic since it was my priest who told me my mom was going to hell because she was a single parent. I was 9 or 10. And people wonder why I want nothing to do with Catholicism.
Posted by: crystal | April 10, 2007 at 10:48 AM
People like this woman are just following the lead of people like Jerry Falwell and James Dobson and other intolerant fake Christians. Falwell continues to remind Jews that they aren't allowed into Heaven, as if he's the gate-keeper. And Dobson is declaring who is and isn't a Christain.
These people are going to be really sorry when they don't end up where they think their going and they're told it's because of their being so judgemental and being liars.
Posted by: Jay | April 10, 2007 at 11:25 AM
WOW. Did the Mom of the 13 year old lay into her? What a horrible thing to voice!
Posted by: Tink | April 10, 2007 at 11:58 AM
Holy kamole. You are a better woman than me because you haven't trounced the 6-brain-celled "helpful" person yet.
Probably the only thing that gets me more spun up than someone roundly condemning another person's beliefs is someone condemning a child or telling a girl she can't do something because she's a girl. GRRRRRRRRRR...
Posted by: velocibadgergirl | April 10, 2007 at 12:01 PM
Stunning. I'd have a really hard time biting my tongue if I were the mother of that 13 year old girl. It's hard enough to instill self esteem and confidence in teenage girls without stupidity like that getting in the way.
Posted by: Heather | April 10, 2007 at 01:00 PM
These ideas are the reasons we are in the situation we are now in this country. Religious fevor is at an all-time high. Have you seen "Jesus Camp?" Rent it. You'll pass out.
And I say this as a practicing Catholic.
Posted by: Mrs. Chicken | April 10, 2007 at 02:40 PM
I am really trying very hard to not let this get me started.
I am a recovering Catholic. 'Nuff said.
Posted by: Nance | April 10, 2007 at 03:15 PM
First of all, my condolences to the poor 13-year-old girl. No one should have to suffer that sort of mental abuse, especially a person who, as you say, is on the brink of garnering some self esteem.
The brainless woman who caused the damage sounds like one more "21st century fundamentalist Christian" (all too common in North Texas) who gets cheap thrills from scaring the crap out of the weaker and more defenseless. I truly do not understand all the fire and brimstone mentality that people seem to think is so necessary. The fear factor doesn't get any of us anywhere.
O.K., sorry for the little rant. Just wanted you to know I feel as indignant as you, and as powerless to do anything about it.
Posted by: Ortizzle | April 10, 2007 at 06:26 PM
I never cease to be amazed by people's capacity to believe that their moral, beliefs, thoughts etc are so important, so life or death must share it or others will perish and I'll go to hell for not doing my "insert religion" duty that they accost, humiliate and defy social mores.
That said, I still wish I could go back in time and tell the woman at the movie theatre during a violent scene during which her four year old sobbed and begged to go home, that she should take the poor child away. But I didn't.
Posted by: amanda | April 10, 2007 at 07:24 PM
I'm aghast. Truly. Children (and I'm lumping the teens into that group) are still struggling to figure out their place in this world, let alone worrying about where they'll fit in the next one.
You reminded me of a friend of mine whose boyfriend died of a drug overdose, and another friend of hers matter-of-factly informed her that her boyfriend was probably in hell. I'm still dumbstruck each time I think of that exchange.
Why on earth can't people just STFU?
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | April 10, 2007 at 09:12 PM
Well Wordgirl, I am SO relieved to know you belong to the church of Going to Hell. Me too! We ordain women AND gays! We also breathe good air.
I'm glad to know I'll have some good company down there in the cinders of eternal damnation. It will be my bit of heaven in the depths of hell.
Posted by: V-Grrrl | April 11, 2007 at 10:09 AM
I mean it's the BASICS right - we learned it from the Brady Bunch - if you don't have anything nice to say... don't say anything at all.
(Or at least follow it up with "Bless his/her heart!!!"
Posted by: Oh, The Joys | April 11, 2007 at 11:14 AM
Oh how I have experienced people like her. And worse. I still can't drive by the "Christian" school that kicked us out and told us we weren't really Christian without wanting to hurt someone. Truthfully, fair or not I can't really even talk to anyone that goes to that school.
Posted by: kim | April 11, 2007 at 12:32 PM