Dear Captain Lisa Nowak,
Thanks for nothing.
You had it all. Brains and...okay...looks. From all reports you had friends and colleagues who loved and respected you. You had a husband who worked in your field and obviously shared your passion for space exploration and who wasn't threatened that you wanted to be someone besides Mrs. Nowak--the woman who stayed home for 30 years to bleach his socks. Somewhere in there you had three kids. But most importantly...YOU WERE A FUH-REEK-ING ASTRONAUT!!! And now...not so much.
After 10 years toiling away in relative obscurity as part of NASA's space program, you were given a place aboard a shuttle...as a Mission Specialist. You made it! You burst through the glass ceiling and ignored the raised eyebrows and the talks about women being physically and emotionally weaker and, I'm sure, the stage-whispered questions about "What kind of crappy mother prefers bobbing around in the "Vomit Comet" when she can throw up in the privacy of her own bathroom while various children moan like the last survivors in a Village of the Damned while banging on the door with a metal spoon and asking when lunch will be ready"?
You and I, Lisa? We're from the same generation. I don't care how many women are in the space program now. It's still a mere handful compared to the men and when people point to Sally Ride and talk about how far women have come since her foray into space, people like you and me point to the beginnings of the program when the Moon Walk was still a dream and say: "Yeah...find us a woman in the early 1960s working in the space program. And the one with the teased-bubble hair who is wearing a hat and white gloves and serving finger sandwiches to the officer's wives doesn't count."
But you threw it all away..and didn't you do it up fancy in the process?
You're such a twisted wreck of a human being that you trashed your career for a man...and not even the one you married, though even that scenario makes me a little ill, too. You disgraced yourself for a colleague named Commander Bill Oefelein who was a divorced father. Your relationship, which you described as something more than a professional thing but less than romantic, was reason enough to drive 900 miles from your home in Houston to Florida in a wig and sunglasses and (I can't even believe I'm typing this)...an adult diaper because GOODGAWDAMIGHTY! this was one mission where having to stop to use the bathroom was going to have to go on the back burner.
You accosted a fellow astronaut in a parking lot, a younger woman whom you felt was your rival for Commander Bill's affections, by pretending to ask her for help with your car and then spraying her in the face with pepper spray. I don't even want to know if you were still wearing the diaper when this pathetic display took place.
In your car they found garbage bags, rubber tubing, gloves, a knife and some kind of pellet gun. Clearly the stuff that every Girl Scout, astronaut, psychopath stores in her car in case of an actual emergency...or if she needs to kill someone. So now, you've been arrested and you've done the "perp walk" while wearing yet another bright orange ensemble...only this one doesn't come with a space helmet. And you've been charged with Attempted Murder.
In one spectacular show of unbalanced stupdity you've shamed every person at NASA as well as all working mothers who attempt on a daily basis to earn half the opportunities and respect that their male peers receive who mostly don't have to worry about balancing fatherhood and their professional lives. You had what most of us would consider to be a great life, but it just wasn't enough. You wanted more, Mrs. Nowak, and you've set women back many years in the process. Surely you must realize how long it took for us to get even as far as we are...and yet...not so far that people don't still say "woman astronaut".
I'd like to keep calling you by your proper title (Captain: the one you earned before you lost your mind), but at this point in your life I'd say that even Captain Crunch has more dignity than you do right now. So where was I? Oh yes...the shame. It doesn't help that you're from Texas. You've shamed the lot of us as well. We've got enough Lone Star nut jobs grabbing the national spotlight and making us look like slaphappy fools without a visual of you driving through the night with a jumbo box of Depends riding shotgun. I'm sure the folks at SNL are busy right now writing a skit with your name All. Over. It.
I hope that makes you proud, because the rest of us are still shaking our heads in disbelief. Suddenly, being a married mom and a writer in search of work doesn't sound like the worst thing to write down for my page in my high school's "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?" reunion book. In fact, it could be a helluva lot worse. I guess I could, at the very least, say "thanks" for that.
Wordgirl
But isn't it interesting that just because she was an astronaut, we have held her up to some higher status of behavior than anyone else? We are shocked, SHOCKED that an astronaut would do such a thing, but if it was some mom from the suburbs, it would have been just another day's work for the police.
Posted by: Gina | February 06, 2007 at 10:37 PM
For the first time in months Larry King wasn't talking about death; usually his favorite subject. What was he obsessing about? Funny you should ask. Tonight’s gab fest was all about our girl Nowak - and he had to trot out Buzz Aldrin to do it. This story isn't about crazy legs and her adult diaper - it’s about NASA and the space program in general. I've actually heard bubble-headed anchors ask if NASA should continue to be funded if they are unable to identify whack-jobs like Nowak. God give me patience! The entire space programs under the gun because someone's cheese fell off its cracker and they went looking for it in Florida. Personally - I would have chosen the Côte d'Azur - but that's me. I guess there’s no accounting for taste.
Posted by: The Fat Lady Sings | February 07, 2007 at 01:32 AM
Like Gina said in her comment, I was surprised to hear that the scandal involved an astronaut. I would think they would be too busy to carry on workplace romances.
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 07, 2007 at 06:48 AM
Man, that story is out of this world! (ba-dam-ching!)
Posted by: Spamboy | February 07, 2007 at 07:00 AM
I had the same "Geez, my life is actually pretty awesome, even if I'm NOT an astronaut" reaction.
Posted by: Velma | February 07, 2007 at 07:42 AM
Hmmm. Why should we be surprised a rocket scientist would go psycho for a colleague when Bill Clinton, President of the Free World risked his marriage, career, and the nation's reputation for a blow job from a student intern?
Smart people do stupid things for love and sex. Happens all the time!
Posted by: V-Grrrl | February 07, 2007 at 07:54 AM
I remember watching "The Right Stuff" and "Apollo 13" and saw all the training and evaluation they went through. But, that was Hollywood's idealized vision of how things work at NASA, apparently. LOL
As for the people "The Fat Lady Sings" talked about. Well there are a lot of people in Washington that have had their knives out for years looking to take a slice out of NASA. And scientific research in general.
Posted by: Jay | February 07, 2007 at 08:35 AM
I think I may be the only person on the planet who thinks this story is overblown. This woman is seriously unbalanced, and thankfully didn't get a chance to carry out some potentially horrible plan. But front page news? For days? I hope not.
I don't mean to criticise your writing of it, however. As a local story, I see it's merrit, not to mention its allure.
But on a national scale? Whether she's an astronaut or not shouldn't matter.
Frankly, I'm more saddened by Molly Ivin's passing than this horrible soap opera that's playing out right now.
Posted by: toyfoto | February 07, 2007 at 09:10 AM
do you think that people who are allowed to go into space have to get through a bunch of tests? psychological and physical? perhaps someone should go back and review the results?
Posted by: dodo | February 07, 2007 at 11:14 AM
Talk about falling off the deep end. You just have to wonder what was going on in her head. Or maybe it's best we don't know...
Posted by: Chris | February 07, 2007 at 11:28 AM
"What kind of crappy mother prefers bobbing around in the "Vomit Comet" when she can throw up in the privacy of her own bathroom while various children moan like the last survivors in a Village of the Damned while banging on the door with a metal spoon and asking when lunch will be ready"?
OMG - that description had me peeing my pants.
I swear my children are to blame for any and all intestinal issues present or future, that I may experience. Damn them.
You did miss throwing in there that she's cuckoo for Cocoapuffs.
Posted by: Sonia | February 07, 2007 at 11:37 AM
She is a kook!
Posted by: Dooce Fan | February 07, 2007 at 12:36 PM
Amen, sister.
And god, the "Houston, We Have a Problem" clips are killing me.
Posted by: Jenny | February 07, 2007 at 01:20 PM
I don't know. I feel pretty bad for her. I think she must be in pretty bad shape, mentally, to fall from being on a mission to this in just under a year.
I guess the incident is ripe for jokes and outrage, but I just feel like she's been held to a higher standard. Astronaut or no, she's still human, and obviously she's got some issues.
Posted by: Nancy | February 07, 2007 at 02:12 PM
I don't queston the higher standard (or double standard) in that I know it exists. I don't think it's fair, but we know about it going into things that have previously been viewed as "male only careers". True enough, guys screw up all the time (every President we've had so far...not just Clinton), but Nixon was the only one who got canned. There's a lot more that's expected of women and I'm just saying that when one woman screws up, it ruins it for the rest of us, too. Not so much with men.
Posted by: wordgirl | February 07, 2007 at 02:52 PM
I think you are being a little hard on the woman. Maybe you have never experienced love insanity. I have. It ain't pretty. I never wanted to kill someone, but there were times when my behavior was less than rational. I am looking forward to the day when we don't fear that the actions of one woman colors all of us.
Posted by: Mary | February 07, 2007 at 07:11 PM
Hey, I got stuck on the freeway the other day (3 car pile-up and they closed I-45!!) and now I am thinking her diaper idea ain't half bad.
I'd had a ginormous coke at lunch that day...
Posted by: DebbieDoesLife | February 08, 2007 at 06:38 AM
I know you're right, that the double standard does exist. That part really sucks. But I would bet any amount of money that if she could have stopped herself, she would have. She may be messed up, but she's not stupid (obviously) -- I think she honestly got to the point where she was in over her head emotionally, and was acting without regards to reason.
Posted by: Nancy | February 08, 2007 at 06:43 AM
An interesting take on the story. I hadn't considered that she may have done damage to the cause of women.
It's been front page news even up here in Canada. Something about this story just seems to have peeked peoples interest.
Posted by: Heather | February 08, 2007 at 07:37 AM
I have experienced love insantiy, but I didn't drive 900 miles with weapons in the back of my car. And never attacked anyone. The more a person has to lose in life, the more it necessary for that person to do whatever it takes to keep it together. I know that humans have failings and frailties, but it is also true that those who earn a place in the spotlight offer the rest of us a front row seat as they continue to be successful...or to watch as they self-destruct. I can understand being hurt or humiliated or threatened. I've been all three. But I don't think insanity is a requirement to understanding what Nowak did. Like it or not, women still labor under the "weaker sex" stereotype, though it has no basis in reality. When we show that frailty, we leave ourselves wide open for criticism from the male sector...despite the fact that they run amok on a regular basis. I hate the double standard, but it's there and until more women are in power, it will stay there.
Posted by: wordgirl | February 08, 2007 at 08:17 AM
All I can say is Preach, Sista'!
I'm sorry. The woman clearly has "emotional issues", but I have little sympathy. Yeeshk!
(and yes, we Texans don't need any more front page nutjobs skewing the nation's perception of us even more)
Posted by: Cynde | February 08, 2007 at 09:53 AM
I can only assume she came completely unhinged, but you'd think someone would have noticed it happening.
But wait, why did I not hear of Molly Ivins's passing until toyfoyo's comment? When did this happen?
Posted by: Annie | February 08, 2007 at 11:00 PM
BRILLIANT! Awesome post. Funny, sassy, poignant and 100% true.
This news story is horrible on every level that you've touched upon.
Here is the worst part: she fucked up her life for a relationship that is 'more than a professional thing but less than romantic.' WTF? She is not some naive teenage girl who could plausibly fall for the dumb ass 'friends with benefits' crock. She is a grown up woman who's sold out her life, her career and her family for less than any woman should ever expect or be satisfied with.
Also I'm so fed up with all the damn puns spouted off by newscasters. Enough.
I think we'll be safe for 10 months - tops. That is how long til Fox makes this into a movie of the week. Starring Tori Spelling. Ohmigod. It is all too horrible.
Posted by: Alpha DogMa | February 09, 2007 at 09:36 PM
in the words of one my favorite bands, you are the dude who rules, Stacy.
this was awesome.
Posted by: lildb | February 12, 2007 at 04:23 PM
Imagine going down in history as the woman who drove cross-country in a dipe. The whole story is beyond what you can defend with the "love insanity" plea.
Posted by: Sandra | February 13, 2007 at 03:02 PM