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January 31, 2007



Tip from an old boy friend - his mom always told he and his brother that the more you changed your underware, washed (enter whatever works for you here) the bigger your manhood would be. It worked for them, they changed their clothes multiple times a day as well as were always in the shower! Good luck!



I'm so glad to hear that my son isn't the only one who moves slower when you ask him to hurry. My hopes that it was just a phase have been dashed.


I am so sorry for your son that he actually googled that in a panic. Imagine being that young and thinking you are having a heart attack! The poor child!

I too, have the importance of time in my DNA, and Hubba-hubba, not so much. It drives me nuts.

Hang in there, babe.


This was pretty good.


Good stuff, this.

Mrs. Chicken

Mr. Chicken wears the same boxers for a week. You can't break 'em of it.

Mrs. Harridan

Your boys (both kids and adult) and my husband sound a lot alike.

I often say that Booby would be content to live in a nest of dirt, clothing and bank receipts. He is well-known for showering and then re-donning the dirty clothes. Must be a guy thing. Savages, the lot of them.



And it's never too late to become a gin drinker.


Same underwear, eh? Reminds me of my students. They have competitions to see how many days they can go *without taking a shower.* I am not kidding. In an all-girls school!!! (Although that's probably the reason right there: there aren't any boys around to catch the whiff.)

Oh, The Joys



This is what my future holds? Pass the gin!

I lived two years with three male flight students, one of whom I married. I cannot tell you the piles that collected in our house. If you eat at the coffee table, it is, evidently, a fine place to leave your dishes.

I have a great book to suggest to you called "A Sideways Look At Time", by Jay Griffiths. Might help you appreciate Mr. Half's take on things.


I was reading along, going "yeah, yeah, boys! and their lateness and stinkiness!" And then my sloth of a daughter came in with yogurt in her hair screaming because her dad wanted her to bathe. Geez.

(Rock. Your comments rock.)


Sometimes I literally have to DRAG my wife out of the house to get her to leave. We've been trying to go see a movie, and I'll find her reorganizing her candles or something equally as pointless that could be done ANY OTHER TIME.

And worst of all, my kids seem to have inherited this pattern.




Send your wife to Wordgirl's. Tell her to bring the candles to cover the Boy Stink and light a fire under certain slowpokes.


Amazingly enough, I had to Google "signs of a heart attack" also when I heard that your other son is wearing the same drawers each day! Ugh.

Cover Your Mouth

That was hilarious.


this post is nearly perfect. only, it's not. and do you want to know *why* it isn't perfect?

*taps fingers*

it isn't perfect because you published it today. if you'd done so yesterday, I could've nominated it for a hyper-(because nobody says "uber" anymore -- well, nobody except gamers; ex: "uberpwned")distinguished ROFL award. And you could have a new, shiny, super-fun button to add to your sidebar. And we could have danced. And laughed. And consumed draughts (yes! draughts!!) of wine. no. make that flagons. yes. flagons.


guess I have to wait until next month to nominate you, now. *shakes fist at wordgirl*


Great post!

Although I have to admit, it scares me, too. Because I'm about to be seriously outnumbered by boys as well, and I see some of these signs already....


Poor sweet boy. I've thought more than once it's a good thing the internet didn't exist when I was his age. I would have been googling all manner of strange maladies.

As for the rest, this post is so right on, I think this will be one you look back on in six months with pride.


I'm not going to get the Beverly Hillbillies theme out of my head tonight, am I?


I swear Stace, that was one of your best EVER! Is it because I have three boys and can totally relate? Maybe. But that was good. Especially this line. Made me laugh and tinkle a little (hey, I've had three kids)

"In short, he has refused to develop an ulcer which, in my family, is the best way to show just how much you care." That's funny.

I am lucky and get to office from home. Because if I didn't the middle one would starve. He sits on the sofa each morning and then with puppy dog eyes asks if I am fixing breakfast. The youngest I have to have "pit checks" to see if he is wearing deodorant. The oldest is so wrapped up in himself that it doesn't matter what I am doing, if he calls and wants to "discuss his life" then I must stop everything and listen.

I hired a housekeeper, bought lots of cereal, still have to do pit checks and text message. There's my answers.


This post cracked me up!


brilliant, as usual.

however, i suggest leaving out a tip jar, at the very least. a girl's gotta eat.

Her Bad Mother

I had something profound to say but then Nicole's comment caused me to spit coffee out of my mouth and now I'm all scattered. It was going to be something funny and deep (of course) about the nature of fulfillment, but I've forgotten ENTIRELY.


I think they need to pay to send you on a two week vacation somewhere warm and relaxing, where you get massages and sit at the seaside, drinking lovely drinks. While you're gone, they can suffer all of the things you mention, and realize that they are in fact capable of taking care of themselves. If two weeks doesn't do it, go to Paris next. Whatever it takes, hon, whatever it takes.

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