Their list...and mine

Many lovely people were at BlogHer this past weekend.

And I?

Was not.

However, I've gleaned some fascinating stories from last year's extravaganza as well as some whisperings regarding this year's gathering in Chicago, so I know that most of the participants must be having fun. I mean...how could they be doing anything else? Hey...I've seen the pictures at Mom 101's site, okay, and I'm sure they were taken only a few short minutes before the police arrived. Poor HBM...she suffered such indignities...but even so I feel certain she was having more fun than I was even though she was unconscious.

I compare those pictures to the thrilling-and-yet- painfully detailed account of my last two weeks here at Half House while the husband and oldest son climbed a mountain in New Mexico, the middle son worked his lifeguard job and spent every other hour with his girlfriend...which left me and the youngest together as we struggled not to throttle each other out of sheer boredom and frustration to find some reason to wake up each day and put on clothes.

Need more proof that Chicago was a more exciting place to be than Fort Worth, Texas? Behold:

Chicago...Day One: Women gathering with friends (old and new) sans children or husbands and compare number of drinks consumed on the flight to O'Hare. Someone tells you you're pretty.

Fort Worth...Day One: Trip to the bank. Make appointment for middle son's wisdom tooth extraction. Experience briefly elevated pulse when receptionist mistakenly prints up a receipt that indicates you've just written them a check for $175,000.

Chicago...Day One: Drinking Yahoo-tinis and compare writing gigs with women who make you laugh. Get to share the same air space with the lovely Elizabeth Edwards. Yes....THAT Elizabeth Edwards.

Fort Worth...Day One: Wait in a hot parking lot (40 minutes) for the locksmith because middle son locked his keys in his car. All of his keys...plus the spare.

Chicago...Day Two: Hotel hijinks with more funny women who tell you how clever you are with the written word. Wine...and lots of it. Score a pair of shoes from a great boutique on the way back to a workshop where someone taps you to contribute to yet another blog where you might even make money. Faint...and then order a margarita.

Fort Worth...Day Two: Find several generations of weevils in the walk-in pantry resulting in a two hour cleanout. Vow never to buy Bisquick again. Laundry. Change lightbulb in living room.

Chicago...Day Three: Listen to Amy Sedaris and wonder how anyone so funny can also be beautiful, smart and famous. Take notes. Then...it's back to the hotel where there's giant party going on in one of the rooms and you're invited.

Fort Worth...Day Three: Find dead dove on the front porch mat which cats have so thoughtfully left for you. Scene of devastation includes enough feathers to stuff a mattress which continue to drift into the house for the next two weeks.

Chicago...Day Three...later on: Still partying. Still laughing. Still drunk, but so are your friends so it's okay. The next morning you find that your comment numbers have jumped into the triple digits. Flight home is hazy...but happy.

Fort Worth...Day Three later on: Learn the purl stitch from an online knitting source. Celebrate with a lukewarm glass of pinot and a handful of cashews. Immediately calculate the caloric content of cashews and realize the salt alone will cause a major retainage of water and imagine your ass getting bigger with every passing moment. Watch three consecutive episodes of an old season of Gilmore Girls. Realize that Scott Patterson (Luke Danes) makes you hot and then feel even sorrier that Mr. Half is so far away. Make list for oldest son's "going to college" purchases and wish it was for you. Feel guilty immediately. Then angry because you feel guilty. Then guilty again because you're angry. Then you fall asleep on the sofa while waiting for middle son to come home flushed and happy from a date. He is young. He has a job he is happy about. Life, as far as he knows it, is good.

Comments

[canknitian]

Blogher always sounds like so much fun! Maybe someday...

Purl stitch! Yay team!

[slouchingmom]

Hahahahahaha!

This was GREAT.

[CircusKelli]

Wow... when you put it like that, my weekend sucked, too.

Hubby's going away again in August. Wanna come up and have our own version of BlogHer? We'll have to wait until the kids are in bed, but then we can drink and giggle all we want. ;)

[amanda]

I'll match your dove and see you two skined mice.

[Mom101]

Wonderful! Add in the 12 hour flight delays each way and you've pretty much summed up blogher.

[Nance]

Note to self: buy unsalted cashews.

[Becca]

Yes but did anyone spitup on you with so much volume that it ran down your back into your UNDERPANTS?

Sigh, I wish I could have been there too. Let's go next year.

And you ARE pretty, smart, and talented!

[daysgoby]

Is anyone thinking we should all go next year? I mean, who couldn't use drinks and people telling you you're pretty?

[Gina]

I must be the only crank around that thinks Blogher might be a teensy bit overrated? I don't really drink, and I have a hard time around REALLY drunk people.

I'm content to be unknown. I think.

[Arabella]

Dang, I miss Savannah.

[Ortizzle]

Maybe it should be re-named "BlogHer Boozefest."

I think you should go next year. Because nobody else would tell it as funny. And because you can't live on salted cashews forever.

[Mrs. Harridan]

Everyday life simply cannot compete with the wondrousness (I imagine, never having gone) of BlogHer.

Maybe next year, if Nibbler is weaned.

Also: Mmmmm, pinot and cashews!

[Loving Annie]

Good Monday afternoon Wordgirl ! The comparisons between the two were a crack-up !

[Jay]

I don't know. A big blog convention with a bunch of fun people sounds like it would be fun. Unless of course those people think they are some kind of "elite" bloggers and then it would be more like being back in high school. Which is what a lot of these blog gatherings actually sound like to me.

[Spamboy]

Sounds like you came up on top to me -- after all, anytime you can kick back with a glass of red and *not* have to endure airports/airlines/air travel/air sickness/etc., then that's an A+ in my book.

[TB]

Oh Wordgirl, you haven't lost your touch. I heart you.

[platypus]

What TB said!

[mothergoosemouse]

Does it count that I had to deal with our version of weevils and doves when I got home? No? Didn't think so.

I really hope to meet you next year. Really really.

[daysgoby]

This was fabulous!

[motherbumper]

You crack me up. Would you clock me if I said you didn't miss much by not going to BlogHer? would you even believe me? Next year, next year.