Things I've Forgotten About

It's been threatening to snow, but so far we've just gotten a lot of freezing rain. Here in Texas, it's not the snow we worry about (in fact, we welcome it)...it's the icy roads which screw up our daily commute. No subways or el trains here to get around traversing the iced streets and overpasses since the powers that be in this state just can't wrap their tiny heads around the concept of mass transit. And when the weather warnings are as dire as they have been in the last 48 hours it's awfully entertaining to watch everyone storm the grocery stores as though it was Y2K and we all needed bottled water, bread and duct tape. I'd laugh harder, except that I was one of them  on Friday night...you know...just in case.

Saturday was a painful blur of brain-piercing headaches, nausea and the shakes. I could barely talk or sit up and noise or light made me want to scream. So badly did this 24-hour bug kick my butt that Mr. Half begged me to tell him whether or not he needed him to take me to the hospital. And because it was a 24-hour bug and I'm feeling much better today my middling ability in math requires that I apologize in advance to anyone who shared my airspace for any length of time on Friday.

But I awoke today feeling like a human, albeit six pounds lighter (score!) and shakily proceeded to clean out my office. I started by going though my trunk of old calendars.  I have many of the calendars I've kept over the years...starting with my freshman year of college. And it's a good thing I have because I've forgotten more about the things in my past than the things I've remembered.

For example, I remember the wedding of my college roommate because I was in it, but I don't remember much of the bridesmaids' luncheon the day before. The calendar says I should. I remember the last conversation I had with a guy I was sort of dating during my freshman year of college. It sticks in my mind because he died in a car accident late that night. What I don't recall is going out for ice cream and walking through the park with him the day before. The calendar says I should. All through my calendars are cryptic notes to myself. One June 11 simply says "fishing?". I have no idea why, although the two days after that tell me it was my 10-year high school reunion...and I DO recall most all of that. The mysterious day of fishing is apparently lost to me forever. The following November there is a giant note to myself that spans the bottom page of the calendar and it screams "SHOES DYED!!" (and where Mr. Half writes in tiny letters after it "and come back to life") The shoes reminder had to do with the footwear for my sister's wedding the following month.

I think I've said here on another occasion that I rarely throw scraps of paper away and though that  fact is usually a trial for me (and for those with whom I live) it's enormously helpful when a note to myself, or a receipt or an invitation or postcard slides out from between the pages. It's as if that day on the calendar unfolds for me like one of those children's pop-up books and I can regain some moment in my past that I thought I had forgotten.  And I get it back...for just a second.

I know just how many centimeters dialated I was during the last six weeks of each pregnancy. I know what I was doing one week before Mr. Half proposed as well as the day before. I know what I was doing one HOUR before he proposed. Important stuff, no? I don't think I could really forget any of that and I hope I won't. But what I long to know about are the days that I can't get back (as if I can get any of them back). Those are the days where there is nothing down but a haircut (4:15) or a soccer game (who did we play and did we win?) or a test that I gave on a certain day. The conversations and the events of those days are gone and that makes me a little sad. I'll get over it...I suppose.

But I feel a bit like a detective when I open a calendar to a month and see a name I had forgotten about...an old colleague or a person from my dorm days...and I have a tiny little "aha" moment that makes me smile. Today's calendar made me curious about an old friend from college and I'm going to try to find her. I'll let you know if I succeed.

In the meantime...tell me...is there anything/anyone/anytime you thought of lately that you thought you had forgotten about? Tell me.

Comments

[V-Grrrl]

When it was time to move, I had to confront my own letter-saving, note-hoarding, calendar-stowing self. And while part of me enjoyed revisiting the past, a bigger part of me wondered why I couldn't just let it go. Why did I feel compelled to leave this ginormous paper trail? Was I trying to justify my life? Why couldn't I trust myself to remember what mattered?

Big questions--I know. While I couldn't bring myself to get rid of all the old letters, cards, and papers, I did get rid of several trashbags full because for me, hanging onto every scrap of the past was like pulling a long cargo train through my life. Really, I just want a passenger car or two full of those nearest and dearest attached to my engine.

[DebbieDoesLife]

Are you sure you didn't have a migraine? The short list you described of symptons sounded like one and the duration.

Hey - on another note. I have sent you several emails over the last month and never gotten a reply. Are you not speaking to me? Mad at me? Did I do something??

[Chris]

Sounds like a migraine to me too. Not fun.

Snow? I wish. Its 60 degrees here this morning. What's up with the weather?!

[TB]

I'll third the migraine diagnosis. That sucks big time, especially if you've never had one before and didn't know what was happening.

It's nice that you have those little reminders of your daily life... I have nothing and I've forgotten much more than I remember. Every now and then I get a little flash of something and I always wonder where it came from and if this will be the last time I ever have that memory.

[wordgirl]

Debbie,

Not mad at all. I haven't receieved e-mails. I just sent you one, though.

[Jay]

When I lived in San Antonio anytime there was even a minor threat of ice it was total pandemonium led by the local TV stations. EVERYBODY PANIC!

Every once in a while I'll suddenly remember somebody from one of the many places I've lived and I have tried to get in touch with some of them. But, with no luck. I don't know what brings those memories on.

But, one day I was thinking of one of my best friends from high school. It was right after I had moved back to my home town. The next day I got an email from her. She had found me on Classmates.com. Weird.

[Gina]

Mass transit is a joke over here as well.

Just yesterday I was at the mall with my mom and a woman approached me and asked if I went to "X" high school and it turns out we had been in the same homeroom. We reminisced for a bit, and it brought back a lot of memories of people and things back in high school that I hadn't thought about for a long time.

[Sueb0b]

Ice? Texas? Donde?

Mr Stapler is interviewing for a job in Dallas this morning. I mean, he isn't in Dallas, he will be on the phone. But the job is in Dallas.

[Oh, The Joys]

My husband and I spent 16 months backpacking as a honeymoon - in SE Asia, Nepal, India, Eastern & Southern Africa and South & Central America. Almost everyday, a scene pops into my head. It's not the Taj Mahal or anything so dramatic. Usually it's a restaurant or room at a hostel and I just remember the feeling of being there in that moment...

Random, I know. But lovely too.

[wordgirl]

SueBob,

North Texas...mostly. Especially the Dallas/FW area.

[Ortizzle]

Hackin' away at the ice, too. But mostly dealing with cabin fever.

People I had forgotten about? I need to see if I can find an old high school friend who lives in Seattle. Lost her email address a few years back, and now I have no idea how to contact her.

Hope you're feeling better.

[Jess]

My last comment was eaten somehow, but I wanted to say that I hope you're feeling better! We finally got snow here in Wisconsin, so I'm happy.

[Cover Your Mouth]

I recently attended my 10-year high school reunion and in a little "memory book" to which everyone contributed, a former classmate reminded me of the time my friend Jenni and I kidnapped his dog from his backyard and left a ransom note on his front porch. Anything to get a crush's attention, right? I had completely forgotten about doing this.

[Sueb0b]

Well, IF Mr Stapler gets the job and IF I decide to come with him, maybe we will be neighbors. Though I don't like the idea of ice. I thought Texas was hot??

[Antique Mommy]

In response to your question - since we've been iced up here in Dallas for three days now and are dangerously low on cookies, I decided to clean out my desk drawer to get my mind off the precariousness of my situation. In it I found several little bits of paper where I scribbled down cute things that Sean (my 3YO) said or did before I started blogging. One note reported that he asked for a "teeyat" (kleenex) then he vigorously blew his nose with it and then stuffed it back in the box. I now remember laughing about it but had I not jotted it down, it woulda blown outta my blonde head in seconds flat. I too have calendars from previous decades but I'm too scared to look at them.

[kerrianne]

I forgot about me. Or, well, about the me I was in college. I'm the same way with little scraps of paper. They are like doorways, and, most of the time, even when people look at me like I'm crazy, I can't let them go. It's important to remember the bad with the good, no?

[Nils]

The past? Well, it's just like our Great-Aunt Laura
Who cannot or will not believe
That though she is welcome, and though we adore her ...
Yet now it is time to leave.

- Piet Hein

That said ... I have an eidetic memory, the kind of memory where people say "Seriously? You remember I was wearing jeans with a native design on them? That was 1981, I didn't even have ... ohhhh, wait ... they were my sister's and I borrowed them for that one party! Dude, you are scary!"

I sometimes wish I had a Recycle Bin in my head, so I could delete my phone number from when I was five years old (CHerry 2 - 4535)or the licence plate of my father-in-law's car when my wife and I were dating 30 years ago (AK 407) and perhaps find room for the name that goes with the face of the person coming across the room towards me who I know I met at the start of the night.

[sweatpantsmom]

Hey - I just forgot my PIN number, that I've had for three years. Does that count? How sad is that? Now there's something I wish I had written down in a calendar.

(Hope you're feeling better.)

[Mignon]

I dream very vividly and have very clear memories of dreams from many many years ago. With age, I sometimes confuse these blips of memory with reality, and as such, find myself having deja vu All The Time. It's simultaneously disconcerting (is this real?) and comforting (oh! I've been here before...).

(Oh, and I'll second Debbie's question about e-mails... I thought perhaps you were crazy busy. Or maybe I just dreamed I sent them...)

[jen]

how funny you wrote that...read my recent post - a reunion of sorts is the title...

so sorry to hear you've been so sick. so glad to know you are being taken care of. xo

[Fold My Laundry Please]

I've been looking for a diet plan that would work for me. 6 lbs in one weekend is tempting, but I think I'll pass!

I don't need calendars to help me remember things from the past, I have a mother! Oh if only I could forget some of those painful memories, but she just. won't. let. me!

[Nap Queen]

That's so neat that you write all that stuff down. I just found my college roommate and I'm SO happy, but there's another friend from college that I miss so badly. I've googled her and searched, but can't find her. It makes me really sad. Glad you are feeling better!

[The Fat Lady Sings]

Sounds to me like you were hit with a migraine too, honey. My heartfelt sympathies. They are the absolute worst. That bug you picked up may have triggered one. I used to get migraines all the time. Then a few years back they moved to a different part of my brain. Now whenever I get one - I just get really dizzy and nauseous. No pain - but I'm still incapacitated. I hope you never, ever have to endure one again. The memory of that pain still remains fresh in my mind even all these years later.

And memory is a strange thing. I have found that memories associated with other things - smells, sounds, high emotion; those memories remain crystal clear. Others have faded into sepia-toned images that remain indistinct no matter how hard I try and recall. For instance - I remember almost every moment of my childhood - yet I cannot recall several plays I performed in past my initial participation. No rehearsals, no audiences. It's rather odd. I can, however remember almost anything I've ever read. Not exactly photographic – but I can often picture the page in my minds eye and remember what was written there. Also - if I've physically been anywhere - I can always find my way back; though I cannot tell you the address or the name of the streets.

Numbers are my downfall. I cannot remember numbers to save my life. I could not, if pressed, tell you my phone number right now; and I often forget my street address. When tired – I easily switch numbers and letters around – so I cannot spell or do basic algebraic equations worth a damn. I used to get pinged at school all the time for that. Catholic schools are not big on identifying learning disabilities. The nuns look upon any deviation from the norm as some kind of moral lapse. I think it’s a form of dyslexia. Whatever the cause – people do look at you strangely when they ask for your address and phone number - and you pull your checkbook out to get it right!

[Heather]

I think often of a friend I hadn't forgotten, but had lost touch with. Still no luck finding her. (fantastic post btw)

[ewe_are_here]

I used to keep my old calendars and planners. I finally had to bite the bullet and toss them when I moved from CA to HI; and later from HI to the UK. But I know what you mean about looking through them; so many things to recall; so many things that you can't quite remember clearly...

Memories come back at funny times... I never know what's going to trigger one. Most recently, it was going through my old emails and reading a bunch from my dad. They made me smile and teary all at the same time. I miss him so much.