How do you like your chicken fried?

 

Lately I've judged myself to be guilty of the same things I warn my sons about.  And when I say warn I don't mean one of those Hallmark moments where I lovingly pull one or two of them aside and dispense a few pearls of  wisdom into their outstretched and grateful hands. I mean long-winded screamfests rants diatribes lectures during which their faces begin to twitch with exasperation...which give way to expressions of stone cold boredom...and then poses that suggest homicidal acts of a stabby variety.

The fact that they're Boy Scouts doesn't mean we don't still have to hammer on them about being prepared and planning ahead and blah, blah, blah...and if you're talking strictly about either of those areas I'm pretty good about walking the talk.  Those "talks" are especially important now that the economy is in the crapper and we're having to tighten our belts just like everyone else, which means working hard to sort out the essential from the non-essential so that we can put a little more something back each month.  The Hubs has spoken many times about how we really have no business going positively daft with the checkbook this Christmas, even though his work scenario is still going strong and my job is financed by grant money that has already been paid through until 2010. He jokes about the possibility of everything going belly-up and having to raise chickens in the back yard or {gasp!} cancel the cable tv, but I'd rather slaughter poultry with my bare hands than give up HBO.   

The only trouble is, I'm not really good at...you know...belt tightening.  I blame the numbers.

See, I can bake really well, but I absolutely dread the preparation of anything that involves measuring. Especially when fractions are involved. The same goes for sewing with that  long tape thing that has all the line markings on it. 

In junior high I was most excellent when starting out with an "unloaded" sewing machine needle as I practiced my stitches on a piece of lined notebook paper, but I sucked hard when actual fabric and thread were introduced. Fortunately, I have sons and it would be almost impossible to make clothing for them that doesn't suggest they were handed down from an Amish farmer, but even if I did it would also require the hateful measuring that involves equally hateful numbers.

My preferred method of grocery shopping involves running through the store as if on fire while throwing items into the basket. I never know how much anything costs, because stopping to look might make me question whether I should drive someplace else to buy a can of peaches in heavy syrup for three cents less. Unlike both of my younger sisters who, armed with coupons, will compare net weights or pause to admire a pretty label, I just want to leave knowing I have enough bread/Excedrin/wine so that I don't have to come back for a few days.

I have a much better chance of remembering directions that involve actual street names than I do those with numbers.

I don't aspire to be one of those women who saves her aluminum foil and takes the dogs for a rainy day walk with freezer bags strapped over her shoes in lieu of rainboots. My paternal grandmother, whom I resemble in many other ways that should be cause for real concern, used to take daily walks and pick up every single coin in her path. Me? If I see a penny on the ground I'm going to leave it there on the off chance that someone needs it more than I do. I know pennies add up, but finding exactly WHAT it is they add up to involves...you know...adding. This same grandmother, who had military benefits and shopped regularly at the local commisary, in later years drove her land cruiser of a Pontiac to the government cheese line where she would patiently wait for a cinderblock of cheddar that could have bound up every man, woman and child in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Clearly, this is where she and I part ways as similarities go.

I want to save money, but the numbers are like kryptonite to my fair and delicate constitution and I respond accordingly. If only we stopped using them altogether. Money would be easy enough to start with. We could just call paper bills George, Abe, Thomas..., etc. Measurement is a trickier. Maybe we could call an "inch" a Capote. A "foot" might be referred to as a Dorothy Parker.  Recipes would call for an Earnest Hemingway of sugar or a Harper Lee of cotton fabric. It would take some getting used to, but I'm willing to try. Somehow, I don't think the idea will catch on in time to tide me through the current economic crisis.

To sum up: I'm not giving up cable television, but don't be surprised if you see a hen house going up in our backyard in the near future. Just to be on the safe side.

Comments

[phd in yogurtry]

Timely post. Tomorrow is our Great Christmas Shopping EXTRAVAGANZA. Where I insist husb go too. I cannot handle these decisions under normal circumstances, but especially not when this year's breadwinning is in serious question, thank you Asleep-at-the-SEC Chairman.

[Jennifer H]

I shop the same way - all business, and please make way, this cart is coming through. Hate going back to the store, and even on the two times a year I think to clip coupons, they always hang out back at home. Every time.

As for the chickens, I'd pick HBO, too.

[Whit]

Mmm, chicken.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I've always realized I was blessed not to really have to give a thought to what groceries or gas cost--though I've never been extravagant--so this current economic situation is really an adjustment for me.

Thank goodness for online banking-I don't even have to pretend to keep an accurate bank balance anymore!

[Dan]

I think I'd quite like to raise chickens in my backyard.

[Ortizzle]

I don't do numbers too well, either. My way of economizing is more like "Yes, tuna fish salad would be cheaper than fresh salmon."

[Claire]

I joke with my husband that if it comes down to it, we can get rid of DirecTV but I know that would be one of the last things he'd ever consider. We cut back on light usage, don't run the AC/heat as much, and we shop non-brand names when possible. We eat out less. These seem to work for us but I know we certainly splurge in areas where other people would have no qualms about cutting back. Oh well.

[Michele]

I do the whole comparison shopping & stocking up thing. That way I can keep our food bill for a family of 4 adults down to $100 per week. Including paper products, toiletries, and wine. Not bad for a librarian (we don't do math).

[Mrs. Who]

I am WITH YOU on the whole numbers thing and the shopping thing. The last time I went to the grocery, I carefully clipped coupons and you know how much I saved? $8.00. I spent that much for lunch at McDonald's.

[Beth]

For some reason I love using coupons. And comparing prices. On the shelf. At one store. The thought of driving somewhere else to get a better deal, though? Not so much.

"Homicidal acts of a stabby variety." Hee. Overall an accurate, poignant description of teenagers listening to pearls of wisdom from parents.

[Jay]

My mother always shopped the way you do. But, my sister and I both take more time and look things over. I'm always trying to figure out which size box of something is the best value. I basically break it down to price per ounce. Amazingly enough it's the mid-size container that is the best value so much of the time.

But, I just get the "Best Choice" or "Always Save" canned or frozen veggies. Those are always the best value.

The problem with my system is that there really isn't any way to save anymore. I'm already pretty efficient.

Damn, I sound pretty domesticated here, don't I? ;-)

[The Other Laura]

We're tightening up our budget too and I'm specializing in vague ideas "don't spend as much money" instead of concrete numbers.

[ralph]

there you go disparaging amish farmers' mothers' sewing prowess. for shame.
hilarious post.

[clickmom]

I was thinking we could save a bundle with "Foodless Fridays" but I'm the only one in the family who wants to play along.

[vodkamom]

coupons. I LOVE them. It's my little way of pretending to be frugal.

[steenky bee]

Oh, I hear you. The Steenky Family is cinching up their belts really tight now. We've never really had to before. I don't do fractions, that's why I majored in marketing and art. I typically just pick up items from the top or bottom shelf. That's where the cheaper items are. I always thought I'd be fine if I could just balance my checkbook or do long division on paper. Comparing unit weights and prices seem to much like story problems for me.

[V-Grrrl]

We have had a rough year and a half and I have to weigh every purchase and can tell you how much EVERYTHING costs at the grocery store. I am exhausted by the million decisions I have to make every time I go shopping and grouchy that even getting fast food or cheap pizza two or three times a month is a big deal and that I feel guilty when I buy a magazine at the checkout stand.

I don't have a cell phone. I don't have cable. We cashed in our frequent flyer points to buy Christmas gifts for the kids and now I don't even have a fantasy about flying out and seeing my best friend.

But we have health care, steady income, two good cars,and a nice house. I know we'll get through this, I know there are far worse situations out there, but yes, trying to make all the numbers add up and come out right is just draining my life force.

[monstergirlee]

Honestly I'd love to try home raised and fried chicken.
And the only time I pick up a penny is if its Heads Up. (see a penny pick it up all the day you'll have good luck) Yeah, I am a Major dork.

[J]

I keep thinking of giving up cable, and then I remember that Big Love and Battlestar Galactica both start in January, and I shut my mouth.

We're on a tighter budget this year than the last few, we're being careful, but I could be MORE careful, truly, and I haven't yet. There's another shoe to drop (in our family, economically, not in a general anyone else would care way) in a few months, and if that happens without my husband finding a new job first, I'll be pricing the peaches. Sigh.

[Professor J]

You know what I hate about teaching? The numbers. Why should I have to do math, for goodness sake?

[blissfully caffeinated]

I'm so with you on the money / numbers thing. I hate money, I hate thinking about it, I hate worrying about it. I did have to do something about our cable bill though. The evil cable company decided our "package" had expired and our bill almost doubled in one month. I called prepared to scream, yell and cancel, but the guy talked me into a new package, cheaper, but with less channels. The kids are pissed because we no longer have Noggin, but the vein in my husbands forehead has quit throbbing. Wait, is it forehead or forhead? No, definitely forehead.

Also, I love your grocery shopping method. That cracked me up.

[Nance]

I'll cut back on everything except:
1. basic cable: gotta have Food Network
2. My ISP--cable
3. Heat--I freeze if I can't have 72 during waking hours or a raging Hellfire in the fireplace
4. Heinz ketchup--no generic/store brand. This is non-negotiable.

[Jodi]

I feel the same way. I am not even sure how to economize. Or, I should say, the few ways I can think of are unacceptable to me. Like digital cable. And my iPhone. Not the phone so much, but the wireless account. However, i would have to pay quite the fee to cancel it so that's not really worth it, is it? No. And I never go over my monthly minutes. Because I have no local friends. So that's helpful.

[Shrinking Violet]

Oh lord, I've been shopping with WordGirl...that is a VERY accurate description! I laugh every time I think about it.

[J]

I was thinking about this post again today...made me think of my mom, who could stay within a budget and knew how much everything at the store cost. Thought that pre-sliced cheese was extravagant. Name brand products also extravagant. Me, not so much, but she was a single mom, and I'm married, which helps a hell of a lot. I guess my point is that we all have our limits and what we can give up, and those limits are not static. If we're both making decent money and all is well, it's one thing. One of us gets laid off, suddenly things we thought of as necessities suddenly become not so necessary, and we get better about comparison shopping. Maybe I'm wrong, but it looks like the coming economy is going to have a lot more people being careful than have been for awhile.

My great aunt can pinch a penny until it screams. She's depression era, and never really got over it.